3 days, 17 miles, 6,500 ft up and a plethora of God's love

What started out as a trip I didn't want to go on, ended up being a trip full of blessings and lessons... even though it seemed to me like poor timing in our lives. 

You see, all of our children had just started school - the first year that all of them were learning at a school away from home. From new apartments to Cross Country meets; football games to Accapella services, it didn't seem like the mother in me had time to go on a 'work' trip with hubby. Not to mention the changes happening at my own work. Plus, who would take care of our animals?! 

I didn't think it was a good time to travel, but God had many other plans. 

Right away He was with us on the plane. When Philip and I were not assigned to sit next to each other, a gentleman willingly gave up his seat so we could. This wasn't just any seat - this was the emergency exit seat. You know, the one with all the legroom. Yep, Philip and I got the comfy seats next to each other because of a kind, selfless gentleman, who wasn't lacking in height either. I don't know his name, but I deeply appreciate him. 

Over the next 3 days, we went on 5 mountain trails for a total of 17 miles and 6,500 feet in elevation. There were several tears and many moments of me telling Philip I couldn't do it. There was a time when I took a step and my foot just barely missed the tail of a rattlesnake who was slithering off the path. There were areas of the trail that were completely washed out; areas that were so steep I thought it was a cliff, not the trail; areas of slippery rocks and hot, hot sand. I was literally on my hands and feet for a good portion of one descent, crab-walking/scooting down the mountain. My hands were so swollen I couldn't wear my wedding ring and my boots were so small I got hikers' toe. 

But there were also amazing views; breathtaking waterfalls; and opportunities for me to trust Philip and for him to love me. We hiked together - something we typically don't do in Wisconsin. We would go on the same trail, but Philip often would go ahead of me. Here there were times when Philip pushed me from behind and boosted me up the switchbacks; times when he visually slowed his pace and let us take the trail at my speed. There were times when he was walking in front to look for danger and times when he showed me how to cross a treacherous spot and then came back and held me as I followed in his steps. There were many, many times to pray and praise God! 

We met so many people on the trails - a pilot and his wife hiking during a layover who also have young adult children and encouraged us in our faith and parenting journey; a couple of young men waiting for their friends to come out of a cave they were exploring, who took our picture and helped us find the path we wanted; a couple heading into the years of parenting teens and we promised to pray for them; a family of 3 navigating life as a stay-at-home dad and working mom; a young lady with a passion for helping people; an older couple with 5 kids and 6 grandkids. 

One afternoon, after we almost died on a trail, we were walking back to our vehicle and I said to Philip, "Tonight, we do what I wanna do!" After we got back to the hotel room and cleaned up, Philip 'rested his eyes' while I googled for something to do. The thing that kept popping up over and over again was a Nature Preserve. My feet were sore, my muscles ached, and I was tired. It didn't seem logical that I would pick another 'hike' (although this one was flat ground), to walk on a boardwalk through wetlands to see birds that migrated away 5 months prior. Why did I want to go? 

But when we climbed the 30-foot-high observatory tower, I saw my answer. 

You can't see her in this picture, but on the other side of the pole is a young lady, sitting with her back against the pole, her shoes slipped off, her knees pulled tightly against her chest and her headphones plopped on her ears. As I was taking in the view from the center of the observatory (heights aren't really my thing....) I thought I heard a sniffle. 

"Ask her." 

"Ask her what?"

"If she's ok"

"What? I'm sure she's fine. Why would I ask her? What am I gonna do? What will she think of me? I don't wanna be a creeper." 

"Ask her"

As Philip kept taking photos, I kept arguing with God. Until Philip was ready to leave and God gave me courage. I walked around the pole and asked this young lady, "Are you ok?"

"Trying to be," she hid behind her sunglasses.

"Do you need a hug?"

"What?" as she took an ear out of the headphones.

"Do you need a hug?"

"Yeah," and she stood up and hugged me so tight for so long. 

"It's ok. At least it's going to be ok. It always is." 

Could I have said more? Was that enough to help her through that night? What was going on? Did she need more than a hug? I spent much of that night praying for her. That was all we said to each other. I felt like it wasn't enough. I should have offered to walk back to the car with her, sat and talked with her for longer, or at least prayed with her. I didn't do enough. 

And God reminded me that I'm not the only one in her life. I was just the one there that night who took time - planted a seed maybe - kept her going for one more day until she could meet the next person God puts in her life. 

There were so many lessons like this that we learned. When our vacation days were over and we needed to transfer hotels for Philip's work conference, we debated what to do. This is a conference hotel, so they won't have a fridge, microwave, or continental breakfast like the one we chose for our hiking days. It's in the big city, so they won't have free parking. Where am I going to stay while I wait to check into the conference hotel? Where will I park the car until we return it to the rental place? Where will I eat? 

"Don't worry about it. I've got something planned for you." 

And boy did He ever. 

We immediately found free, all-day street parking right across from the conference hotel, so I set up my laptop in the lobby and was able to work remotely. At Philip's 10am break, he came out and asked if our room was ready...it was!! We were able to move all of our luggage into the new hotel room 5 hours earlier than the advertised check-in! I walked into the room and...well, it's way more than a room. There's an entryway, an office space with a desk (for me to work remotely throughout the week), a bedroom, a walk-in closet, and a very spacious bathroom! Do you know what else God threw in there, just because He's awesome like that? An amazing view of the mountains from our balcony. 

I am overwhelmed with the goodness of our God! 

Or am I? As we stepped into this new life of luxury and socializing with engineers (yes, engineers socialize...) I found myself in more great conversations about parenting and marriage and work, but what did I do? I shied away from talking about the amazing Father I have who blessed me so abundantly during this whole trip. I filtered the comments about the God who helps us parent, holds our marriage together, and keeps us from falling off a cliff. Why couldn't I talk about Him? Why was I afraid of being 'that' person? Shouldn't it be more scary to think that some people don't know how good their lives could be if only they had Him in it? 

He's the reason my life is so amazing! 

Why don't I want people to know Him and praise Him too? 

Lord, forgive me! Please give me more opportunities to shout your praises, not only from the mountain tops, but from the bars as well. 

"How good you are—how kind! Teach me your commands." Psalm 119:68

Jesus and Ants

As I was sweeping the kitchen floor today, I swept up an ant. The ant immediately tried to scurry out of my dirt pile, so....

I squished it with my big toe. 

Instantly I had the thought, "Jesus, what would You do with an ant in your house?" 

O Lord, what a variety of things you have made! In wisdom you have made them all. The earth is full of your creatures.

Psalms 104:24

I imagined seeing something I created in the wrong spot. Certainly I wouldn't just squish it because it was out of place. No. I would pick it up and gently move it back to where it belonged. I would set up barriers to make sure it stayed where it belonged; where it was safe. 

I started to giggle a little to myself. I thought, 'How silly this is. Thinking about God and ants. Asking God what He would do with a straying ant.'

But is this what it means to live fully integrated? To be all in for Christ? In every way; in all things I will seek to honor God and serve Him. 

In the past I have sprayed around the house. Set up a barrier, so to speak. Something to keep the ants out where they belong; where they won't get squished. It doesn't kill them, it just keeps them from crossing.

I haven't sprayed this year because I've been very conscience of my health. I've heard those sprays are not healthy for me, so I was protecting myself. Instead I was squishing the ants that wandered into my house. I was putting piles of attractive poison in ant prone spots. Harmless poison to me, but poison that ants take back to their nest and kill all who inhabit it. 

But would it be more self-sacrificing to spray the barrier around the house to protect the ants from getting squished? Is that a better way for me to serve Jesus? 

Everything you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

Sanctity of Life Prayer

January 22, 1973, was the day the US Supreme Court legalized abortions and that date has been remembered as Sanctity of Life Day. Some churches remember it on the third Sunday in January. Either way, and in fact, every day, is a day we can praise God for life, and pray that He protects the souls in His creation at every stage of life. Today and this week, I ask you to especially pray for the people whose lives hang in the balance; whether on life support or in a womb; terminally ill or feeling unwanted - may the Lord remind them Who created them. May the people who can make decisions about their future remember how precious life is. 

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be. 

-Psalm 139:13-16

Pray also for the people who have made decisions already and regret them. May they find peace in the forgiveness of Jesus and love from their neighbors. Please pray specifically for the teenagers in Albany (Logan and his girlfriend) who followed the logic of what they've been taught - the easiest thing to do with an unwanted baby is kill her. Pray that they see the forgiveness that Jesus has won for them.

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve you. 

-Psalm 130:3-4

Pray also for our communities, our society. May we love and forgive Logan. May we see clearly where an abortion culture leads. May we be opened armed to all those struggling to view life, all life, as a blessing. 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

Pray that we may not be silent, but will be God's messengers, spreading His truth to a world that so desperately needs Him. We are warriors in the battle.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. -Proverbs 31:8

Journey

Come along with me on a journey. I didn't know it was a journey when I started. The journey is not complete. I don't know how long it will go on and how many turns it will take. Right now I think this is a journey of love. I used to think it was a journey of determination; a journey of will-power. I used to think it was a journey about me. I think, now, it's a journey about everyone else. 

Questions I am searching for answers: 

How do I be me around others?

How do I always show Jesus to others? 

Why do people perceive me negatively? 

How can I have good friends? 

Where are all the people to deeply discuss God's Word with? 

How can I be good friends with everyone?

In searching for these answers, I didn't first seek out God's Words. The book Fearless by Sadie Robertson was suggested to me by Michelle Spadafora - owner of Faithful Workouts. I am not finished with it yet, but it was really that book and the movie War Room (after I watched it the second time) that inspired me to seek God and write out my conversation with Him. This journey journal is a supplement to my prayer journal. 

Day 12,961: (That's how old I am - that's when my journey began)

Last night I read Ephesians 3. What struck me? Verse 17, "I also pray that love may be the ground into which you sink your roots and on which you have your foundation." LOVE! Love is where I sink my roots. Love is my foundation! Earlier that day my husband and I were discussing some hurtful comments said to me and he said this profound statement, 

"Love doesn't seek to be loved." 

That stopped me. That took my breath away. For an instant I became defensive. Is he saying I don't love this person?! Then God calmed me and freed me to think about that statement. 

Love doesn't seek to be loved. 

But who do I go to when I'm hurt? Who do I tell? If true love means I'm not seeking out love, how can I tell my husband when I'm hurt by someone? How can I say I don't feel loved? If looking to feel loved means it's not truly love, how come I'm hurt so much? Do I not truly love anyone? Is my love so superficial that one comment can erase it? Do I just love for what I get? Is my husband right? If I truly love someone and they say a hurtful comment, my first thought isn't "Ouch!". I don't get defensive, because I love them and I'm thinking about them. My first thought might be, "Did something happen to them today?" "Are they hurting?" My first thoughts - my only thoughts - are about them. 

I asked God to help me dig into this a little more. Then I read Ephesians 3 - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots. 

This morning I read Ephesians 4. Verse 7 and following talks about how God's favor has been given to each of us. We are all part of one body and Christ is the head. Christ is working to unite us and make us all fit together. These people that are hurting me with their comments are Christians. They believe Jesus died for their sins and they have a place in heaven. Why do they hurt me? Why do I offend them? We are to be one body, united in Christ. 

Ephesians 4 goes on. Verse 25, "Speak the truth to each other because we are all members of the same body." But then in verse 29, "Don't say anything that would hurt another person." Wait. What? How am I to speak the truth, but not say anything that would hurt them? 

I was reminded of the verse from last night - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots. Be rooted in love and speak the truth. What does that look like? How does that sound? Verse 31 and 32 begin to help answer those questions. 

"Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ." 

Love. If I love someone - truly love them - what I say won't hurt them. They will hear the love; know the love. We will have had so many conversations that their love tank will be overflowing. They will know that I love them deeply; truly; honestly. They will know I care for them and think of them as part of my own body. I won't be thinking of myself, but only of them. And they will know, for out of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

Lord, fix my heart. Give me love that the world may see You. 

Stay Calm and Parent On

Yesterday morning we woke up and, while my husband was having his cup of coffee, we noticed there were 3 chicks following one of our hens! Hubby had spotted her just a few days ago huddled down in the long grass, not willing to move an inch off those eggs. We let her be, and she did her thing. 

Of course, after we spotted the adorable fuzz balls, we had to go out and get a closer look. As we come out, our pets slowly immerge from their resting places in the garage. Immediately the mama hen, sensing danger, begins her cluck-clucking to bring all her chicks under her wings. She found the safety of our oregano bush and was frantic to get them all in and under her before anything happened. 

This is a hen that calmly pecked and scratched around our pets a mere month ago. In fact, when our pets and we are outside in the morning it means feeding time for everyone! That hen would have been right in the mix of the cats and dog attempting a snatch and run from the pet bowls. 

My how different the world looks when we become parents! Dangers that we never thought of suddenly send us cluck-clucking to protect our children. We read ingredients when we are pregnant making sure this food is safe for our growing baby. We walk into a room and scan the floor for small bits of paper and tiny objects making sure its a safe place for our crawler. We scour the internet for the best cribs, books, schools, and shoes. We yell so they don't run across a street or jump from a high rock wall. We wear masks, lock our doors, and shield them from the news. It's a big, scary world and we want to keep our kiddos safe, healthy, and secure. 

You can see the fear in her eye! "Get over here right now!" She's afraid - petrified! - that something might happen to her dear, little chick whom she already loves so deeply. 

She's forgetting that the 'farmers', the ones that have fed her, cared for her, and protected her are right here. We wouldn't let anything happen to those 3 chicks of hers. In fact, we will help her care for them, protect them, and raise them. 

Don't I do the same thing. I forget that the God who created my children, gave them specifically to me; the God who loves me, cares for me, provides for me - the God of the universe! - is right here. He's right here with me. He won't let anything happen to my children that isn't good for their faith. He will help me care for them, protect them, and raise them. 

We do not parent alone. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

What's changed for you?

So we've been quarantined for a couple weeks now.

I've had people say to me, "I suppose it's not much different for you." And compared to so many other people, they are right. 

We still daily do our farm chores. We still homeschool. Thankfully, my husband is still able to work from home and earn the same amount of income. Egg business has slowed down and our high schooler is learning via the Internet at home, but other than that our life has stayed pretty normal. 

The biggest change we've had is not going to church. For us, church is a huge part of our homeschool, our socialization; it's a big part of who we are. We go to church to worship, yes, but we also go to participate in the activities. We go for Bible Studies. We go to volunteer. We go to be filled and to encourage. We go to help and be helped. Christ lives in us and church is where we feel at home. 

A notification came up on my phone yesterday. Google maps asked me "Has your work address changed? Tap to update your work address." 

Ha! I've been staying at home so much that google thinks I don't work anymore. Where does google think I work anyway? All of my jobs are at home? I tapped the notification. This is what I saw: 

We are at our church so often that Google Maps put that as my work address! What a joyous day it will be when we can gather again around God's Word, with our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith, all in one building - all in one room - all with one voice praising our Savior!

I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go to the house of the LORD." -Psalm 122:1

Write about Me

My goal this year has been to write one blog each month.

March came along and I prayed and wondered, "God what do you want me to write about this month?"

Then a pandemic hit. And I prayed, "God use me for Your glory in this chaos."

Then the entire nation started homeschooling. "Yes! This is my shot. What should I tell them, God?"

Nothing....nothing came to me. Until this week.

Quarantine Week

When I struggled through emotions, watched my church service online, and cried without words to my husband.

Every school day at lunch, we watch the Time of Grace video for the day. Today it was this one. God has put a value on me. And it doesn't matter what the world thinks, what I accomplish; nothing that I do matters. It only matters what God has done.

And God said, "Write about Me."

Reading other people's blogs and texts this week, I was struck with this feeling, "I've been homeschooling my kiddos for 10 years, and the whole world is better at it than me."

What a lie that is!  

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

First of all, I don't know what the whole world is doing or how they are homeschooling. I only live in our house and I only truly know how we homeschool.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. 

-1 Corinthians 12:4-6

But more importantly, God gave each of us different gifts. Some He gave the gift of scheduling, some of planning, some of making things fun and memorable. He gave me my children because they need the gifts that I have to offer....and I need the gifts they have to offer. He gave us to each other to benefit each other and grow us into the people He needs us to be so we can do His work.

 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. -Ephesians 2:10

God has good works planned out for each of His children to do and accomplish. Being jealous over someone else's good works, and sulky over another doesn't leave much energy to notice the good works God has planned for me.

All this is true, but it is so hard to believe and live out. Where is my confidence? What is my talent? Will the world see Jesus through me? If His power is alive and active in me, why can't I do something great? Why am I not phenomenal?

Because He is. 

He's the one that's great, amazing, wonderful! He's the one that has it all under control and can homeschool like a boss. He's the one that can be a perfect spouse - just what my husband needs - and a caring mother. When I try to take over; when I think I need to do more and be more. That's when things get messed up. That's when things are upside down and chaotic.

Then He placed His right hand on me and said: "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last." -Revelation 1:17

God puts His hand on me. God is here, has been here, and will always be here. He's the most important. His is the story to tell. His works and actions are phenomenal. 

He lives in me and makes me what He needs me to be.

Resolutions?

Well, it's the end of February. How does 2020 look so far? Are you still on track? Or do you have resolutions that didn't stick? Goals that are out of focus and completely off your radar?

It's ok. Our God gives us a fresh start every day! Even if it's not the beginning of a new year.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 

-2 Corinthians 4:16

I found an exercise program a couple of years ago called Faithful Workouts. (No, they're not paying me, but here's their site if you want to check them out.) One of their main teachings is the ABCs of a healthy lifestyle.

Ask God to help you.
Believe He can and will help you.
Check your motives.

I think these can easily be applied to all resolutions, goals, and life's detours. No matter what you want to do, and no matter what time of year it is, God is there, able and willing to help you.

I started my journey to better health in May of 2018. It wasn't at the beginning of a year, the timing wasn't perfect, I didn't even have the right reasons for starting! But those ABCs kept leading me back to God - my source of strength; the one who purifies my heart.

I also started....slow. I didn't jump right in. I wasn't a fanatic from the beginning. But I started. I took one step in being healthier. Slowly, after months of standing firm at the one-step, I took another step. And I'm not done. I have not arrived. But I continue to start. You can too.

Be patient with yourself! As Michelle at Faithful Workouts always says, "Be thankful you are healthy enough to do this. Don't worry about the moves you can't do. Be thankful for the moves you can."

Most importantly, though, remember you are not alone. God is right there with you. Ask Him to help you! He loves you and wants to help you. Believe that He can and will help you. It doesn't matter what your goal is. Is it important to you? Then it's important to God. You are His child. He loves to hear about your day and help you with your struggles.

"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up."

-Luke 18:1

Thursday's Thought to Ponder

If you don't help your children when they've lost their Lego, they won't come to you when they've lost their way. 

Does Anybody Get Me?

Many people have shared with me their feelings of loneliness, not measuring up, feeling unwanted, or unneeded. I too feel left out at times - and have struggled with it for many years. Someday, I'll tell you my whole story, but Philip and I got married very young and started a family immediately. At the time when our friends were going to college parties, getting their first jobs, and spontaneously going out, we were changing diapers, waking for midnight feedings, and saving as much money as possible. Now I'm still at a different place in life than all the people my age.

There are so many reasons that make me feel different; like an outsider; rejected; not able to fit in; alone. In fact, I just had these same feelings recently. When I get these feelings, I force myself to pray. I run to God and I ask Him to help me serve the people I'm around.

Sometimes I cry out to Him, "I want to be loved this time! Can I please just fit in? Can I please find someone that gets me? Can someone be my friend this time?" He says to me, "I love you. You fit here, with Me. I completely understand all your wants, desires and needs. I am your friend and always will be. Go serve. Go show them Me. I've given you gifts that only you have. There are certain characteristics of Me, that can only be shown through you. Go. I'm with you."

I was sobbing one day feeling like a failure and unable to live up to expectations. God said, "My grace is enough."

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9,10

There is one verse that I cling to when I don't fit in. It's become a 'mantra' for me. It's from the book of Song of Songs, which is a picture of our marriage to Christ. In that book the groom (Christ) speaks to His bride (you and me) and He says,

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Songs 4:7

Over Thanksgiving this past year, I was so down. Uncontrollable crying for some things I couldn't even figure out why. The thought came to me (perhaps it was from God, I don't know) that every time I read my Bible - no matter the book - I would look for what God is saying about me. God is always talking about us. He's always thinking about us. And it's amazing what He says about us if we are looking.

We are His house. Hebrews 3  We are masterpieces - works of art. Ephesians 2

We are His children. Galatians 3

Good works flow over and out of us. Through Christ, we have the power to make our thoughts obey Him. 2 Corinthians 9 and 10

           We are the body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12
           We were formed by His hands for His purposes. Romans 9

Jesus even prayed for us - you and me- in the Garden before He died! (John 17:20-23)

Jesus makes us beautiful. Ecclesiastes 3

                              God directs us. Proverbs 20:25 God supports our decisions. Isaiah 30:21

I pray some of this is helpful for you, as you struggle through feelings of loneliness. For me, I know, the struggle is not an easy one. It's not an 'Oh, here's a solution. Now it's fixed.' type problem. It's in my make-up. Maybe God gave it to me so I would continually run to Him. I don't know.

Since Thanksgiving of last year, I've also been praying this prayer when I'm down and feeling unable - "Create in me a pure heart, Oh God. And renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation. And uphold me with your free Spirit." When my heart is focused on Jesus, life falls into place. And it's funny...Jesus is the one that needs to focus my heart back on Him. I can't do it without Him. So thankful He promises to be with me always.

But by the grace of God, I am what I am. 1 Corinthians 15:10

Thursday's Thought to Ponder

Some foreigners among the Israelites had a strong craving for other kinds of food. Even the Israelites started crying again and said, “If only we had meat to eat! Remember all the free fish we ate in Egypt and the cucumbers, watermelons, leeks, onions, and garlic we had? But now we’ve lost our appetite! Everywhere we look there’s nothing but manna!”
(Manna was small like coriander seeds and looked like resin. The people would go around and gather it, then grind it in a handmill or crush it in a mortar. They would cook it in a pot or make round loaves of bread out of it. It tasted like rich pastry made with olive oil. When dew fell on the camp at night, manna fell with it.)

-Numbers 11: 4-9

I've heard it asked several times and in many different ways, "What's your Goliath?" This question is referring to the time when David struck down the Philistine giant, Goliath. The question leads us to think about the giants in our lives that so often bring fear and trembling, when in reality, God can strike them down with one stone.

But have you ever stopped to consider, "What's your manna?" What amazing, perhaps even miraculous blessing is God giving you, that you are complaining about?

Hubby vs Kiddos

What if you loved your husband as much as you love your kids? What if your relationship with your husband more closely resembled the relationship you have with your children?

For anyone that knows me, these questions may seem a bit odd, perhaps even startling. I've always put my relationship with my husband second only to God. And I've encouraged many wives to do the same. It's often said, "The best thing you can do for your children is love your husband."

If this is true (and it is), why am I so quick to get angry at my husband? To blame him for how I'm feeling? To threaten to leave or even actually leave?

In our devotional last night, Philip and I read this -

A parent may get little emotionally out of caring for an infant. But there has always been an enormous social stigma attached to any parent who gives up their children because rearing them is too hard and unrewarding. For most people, the very idea of that is unthinkable. 

-Timothy Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

Your baby didn't think about your needs last night and let you sleep. You constantly have to remind your six year old to clear their plate off the table and pick up their toys. Your teenager is taking you, your car and your money for granted. Your adult child doesn't talk to you or spend as much time with you as they used to. These are situations that parents work through. They would never think of deserting their children if they acted like this, even for years!

However, our society doesn't hesitate to encourage wives to leave their husbands.

In fact, I googled why wives leave their husbands. Here are the most common reasons I found.

I just don't love him anymore.              I'm the only one that does any work in this relationship. 

He just takes me for granted. 

He never listens to me.                                                            His apologies are hollow and mean nothing.

I just don't connect with him emotionally like I used to.

I feel like I've outgrown him.  I don't deserve to live with disappointment day in and day out.

What if we said those things about our children? Reread the list with your children in mind. How does it sound?

Those of us that have the pleasure of being wives and mothers would never dream of saying those things about our sons and daughters. Why would I even choose to think or utter those words about my husband? My husband doesn't just hold my heart, our bodies are one in the same.

If a husband and wife are one flesh, [how can they divorce? Divorce would be a bloody amputation, would it not?] “What God has brought together, let no man separate.” 

-Matthew 19:6 (the Voice)