Come along with me on a journey. I didn't know it was a journey when I started. The journey is not complete. I don't know how long it will go on and how many turns it will take. Right now I think this is a journey of love. I used to think it was a journey of determination; a journey of will-power. I used to think it was a journey about me. I think, now, it's a journey about everyone else.
Questions I am searching for answers:
How do I be me around others?
How do I always show Jesus to others?
Why do people perceive me negatively?
How can I have good friends?
Where are all the people to deeply discuss God's Word with?
How can I be good friends with everyone?
In searching for these answers, I didn't first seek out God's Words. The book Fearless by Sadie Robertson was suggested to me by Michelle Spadafora - owner of Faithful Workouts. I am not finished with it yet, but it was really that book and the movie War Room (after I watched it the second time) that inspired me to seek God and write out my conversation with Him. This journey journal is a supplement to my prayer journal.
Day 12,961: (That's how old I am - that's when my journey began)
Last night I read Ephesians 3. What struck me? Verse 17, "I also pray that love may be the ground into which you sink your roots and on which you have your foundation." LOVE! Love is where I sink my roots. Love is my foundation! Earlier that day my husband and I were discussing some hurtful comments said to me and he said this profound statement,
"Love doesn't seek to be loved."
That stopped me. That took my breath away. For an instant I became defensive. Is he saying I don't love this person?! Then God calmed me and freed me to think about that statement.
Love doesn't seek to be loved.
But who do I go to when I'm hurt? Who do I tell? If true love means I'm not seeking out love, how can I tell my husband when I'm hurt by someone? How can I say I don't feel loved? If looking to feel loved means it's not truly love, how come I'm hurt so much? Do I not truly love anyone? Is my love so superficial that one comment can erase it? Do I just love for what I get? Is my husband right? If I truly love someone and they say a hurtful comment, my first thought isn't "Ouch!". I don't get defensive, because I love them and I'm thinking about them. My first thought might be, "Did something happen to them today?" "Are they hurting?" My first thoughts - my only thoughts - are about them.
I asked God to help me dig into this a little more. Then I read Ephesians 3 - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots.
This morning I read Ephesians 4. Verse 7 and following talks about how God's favor has been given to each of us. We are all part of one body and Christ is the head. Christ is working to unite us and make us all fit together. These people that are hurting me with their comments are Christians. They believe Jesus died for their sins and they have a place in heaven. Why do they hurt me? Why do I offend them? We are to be one body, united in Christ.
Ephesians 4 goes on. Verse 25, "Speak the truth to each other because we are all members of the same body." But then in verse 29, "Don't say anything that would hurt another person." Wait. What? How am I to speak the truth, but not say anything that would hurt them?
I was reminded of the verse from last night - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots. Be rooted in love and speak the truth. What does that look like? How does that sound? Verse 31 and 32 begin to help answer those questions.
"Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ."
Love. If I love someone - truly love them - what I say won't hurt them. They will hear the love; know the love. We will have had so many conversations that their love tank will be overflowing. They will know that I love them deeply; truly; honestly. They will know I care for them and think of them as part of my own body. I won't be thinking of myself, but only of them. And they will know, for out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Lord, fix my heart. Give me love that the world may see You.
