Journey

Come along with me on a journey. I didn't know it was a journey when I started. The journey is not complete. I don't know how long it will go on and how many turns it will take. Right now I think this is a journey of love. I used to think it was a journey of determination; a journey of will-power. I used to think it was a journey about me. I think, now, it's a journey about everyone else. 

Questions I am searching for answers: 

How do I be me around others?

How do I always show Jesus to others? 

Why do people perceive me negatively? 

How can I have good friends? 

Where are all the people to deeply discuss God's Word with? 

How can I be good friends with everyone?

In searching for these answers, I didn't first seek out God's Words. The book Fearless by Sadie Robertson was suggested to me by Michelle Spadafora - owner of Faithful Workouts. I am not finished with it yet, but it was really that book and the movie War Room (after I watched it the second time) that inspired me to seek God and write out my conversation with Him. This journey journal is a supplement to my prayer journal. 

Day 12,961: (That's how old I am - that's when my journey began)

Last night I read Ephesians 3. What struck me? Verse 17, "I also pray that love may be the ground into which you sink your roots and on which you have your foundation." LOVE! Love is where I sink my roots. Love is my foundation! Earlier that day my husband and I were discussing some hurtful comments said to me and he said this profound statement, 

"Love doesn't seek to be loved." 

That stopped me. That took my breath away. For an instant I became defensive. Is he saying I don't love this person?! Then God calmed me and freed me to think about that statement. 

Love doesn't seek to be loved. 

But who do I go to when I'm hurt? Who do I tell? If true love means I'm not seeking out love, how can I tell my husband when I'm hurt by someone? How can I say I don't feel loved? If looking to feel loved means it's not truly love, how come I'm hurt so much? Do I not truly love anyone? Is my love so superficial that one comment can erase it? Do I just love for what I get? Is my husband right? If I truly love someone and they say a hurtful comment, my first thought isn't "Ouch!". I don't get defensive, because I love them and I'm thinking about them. My first thought might be, "Did something happen to them today?" "Are they hurting?" My first thoughts - my only thoughts - are about them. 

I asked God to help me dig into this a little more. Then I read Ephesians 3 - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots. 

This morning I read Ephesians 4. Verse 7 and following talks about how God's favor has been given to each of us. We are all part of one body and Christ is the head. Christ is working to unite us and make us all fit together. These people that are hurting me with their comments are Christians. They believe Jesus died for their sins and they have a place in heaven. Why do they hurt me? Why do I offend them? We are to be one body, united in Christ. 

Ephesians 4 goes on. Verse 25, "Speak the truth to each other because we are all members of the same body." But then in verse 29, "Don't say anything that would hurt another person." Wait. What? How am I to speak the truth, but not say anything that would hurt them? 

I was reminded of the verse from last night - May love be the ground into which you sink your roots. Be rooted in love and speak the truth. What does that look like? How does that sound? Verse 31 and 32 begin to help answer those questions. 

"Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ." 

Love. If I love someone - truly love them - what I say won't hurt them. They will hear the love; know the love. We will have had so many conversations that their love tank will be overflowing. They will know that I love them deeply; truly; honestly. They will know I care for them and think of them as part of my own body. I won't be thinking of myself, but only of them. And they will know, for out of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

Lord, fix my heart. Give me love that the world may see You. 

Stay Calm and Parent On

Yesterday morning we woke up and, while my husband was having his cup of coffee, we noticed there were 3 chicks following one of our hens! Hubby had spotted her just a few days ago huddled down in the long grass, not willing to move an inch off those eggs. We let her be, and she did her thing. 

Of course, after we spotted the adorable fuzz balls, we had to go out and get a closer look. As we come out, our pets slowly immerge from their resting places in the garage. Immediately the mama hen, sensing danger, begins her cluck-clucking to bring all her chicks under her wings. She found the safety of our oregano bush and was frantic to get them all in and under her before anything happened. 

This is a hen that calmly pecked and scratched around our pets a mere month ago. In fact, when our pets and we are outside in the morning it means feeding time for everyone! That hen would have been right in the mix of the cats and dog attempting a snatch and run from the pet bowls. 

My how different the world looks when we become parents! Dangers that we never thought of suddenly send us cluck-clucking to protect our children. We read ingredients when we are pregnant making sure this food is safe for our growing baby. We walk into a room and scan the floor for small bits of paper and tiny objects making sure its a safe place for our crawler. We scour the internet for the best cribs, books, schools, and shoes. We yell so they don't run across a street or jump from a high rock wall. We wear masks, lock our doors, and shield them from the news. It's a big, scary world and we want to keep our kiddos safe, healthy, and secure. 

You can see the fear in her eye! "Get over here right now!" She's afraid - petrified! - that something might happen to her dear, little chick whom she already loves so deeply. 

She's forgetting that the 'farmers', the ones that have fed her, cared for her, and protected her are right here. We wouldn't let anything happen to those 3 chicks of hers. In fact, we will help her care for them, protect them, and raise them. 

Don't I do the same thing. I forget that the God who created my children, gave them specifically to me; the God who loves me, cares for me, provides for me - the God of the universe! - is right here. He's right here with me. He won't let anything happen to my children that isn't good for their faith. He will help me care for them, protect them, and raise them. 

We do not parent alone. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

What's changed for you?

So we've been quarantined for a couple weeks now.

I've had people say to me, "I suppose it's not much different for you." And compared to so many other people, they are right. 

We still daily do our farm chores. We still homeschool. Thankfully, my husband is still able to work from home and earn the same amount of income. Egg business has slowed down and our high schooler is learning via the Internet at home, but other than that our life has stayed pretty normal. 

The biggest change we've had is not going to church. For us, church is a huge part of our homeschool, our socialization; it's a big part of who we are. We go to church to worship, yes, but we also go to participate in the activities. We go for Bible Studies. We go to volunteer. We go to be filled and to encourage. We go to help and be helped. Christ lives in us and church is where we feel at home. 

A notification came up on my phone yesterday. Google maps asked me "Has your work address changed? Tap to update your work address." 

Ha! I've been staying at home so much that google thinks I don't work anymore. Where does google think I work anyway? All of my jobs are at home? I tapped the notification. This is what I saw: 

We are at our church so often that Google Maps put that as my work address! What a joyous day it will be when we can gather again around God's Word, with our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith, all in one building - all in one room - all with one voice praising our Savior!

I rejoiced with those who said to me, "Let us go to the house of the LORD." -Psalm 122:1

Write about Me

My goal this year has been to write one blog each month.

March came along and I prayed and wondered, "God what do you want me to write about this month?"

Then a pandemic hit. And I prayed, "God use me for Your glory in this chaos."

Then the entire nation started homeschooling. "Yes! This is my shot. What should I tell them, God?"

Nothing....nothing came to me. Until this week.

Quarantine Week

When I struggled through emotions, watched my church service online, and cried without words to my husband.

Every school day at lunch, we watch the Time of Grace video for the day. Today it was this one. God has put a value on me. And it doesn't matter what the world thinks, what I accomplish; nothing that I do matters. It only matters what God has done.

And God said, "Write about Me."

Reading other people's blogs and texts this week, I was struck with this feeling, "I've been homeschooling my kiddos for 10 years, and the whole world is better at it than me."

What a lie that is!  

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. -1 Peter 5:8

First of all, I don't know what the whole world is doing or how they are homeschooling. I only live in our house and I only truly know how we homeschool.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. 

-1 Corinthians 12:4-6

But more importantly, God gave each of us different gifts. Some He gave the gift of scheduling, some of planning, some of making things fun and memorable. He gave me my children because they need the gifts that I have to offer....and I need the gifts they have to offer. He gave us to each other to benefit each other and grow us into the people He needs us to be so we can do His work.

 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. -Ephesians 2:10

God has good works planned out for each of His children to do and accomplish. Being jealous over someone else's good works, and sulky over another doesn't leave much energy to notice the good works God has planned for me.

All this is true, but it is so hard to believe and live out. Where is my confidence? What is my talent? Will the world see Jesus through me? If His power is alive and active in me, why can't I do something great? Why am I not phenomenal?

Because He is. 

He's the one that's great, amazing, wonderful! He's the one that has it all under control and can homeschool like a boss. He's the one that can be a perfect spouse - just what my husband needs - and a caring mother. When I try to take over; when I think I need to do more and be more. That's when things get messed up. That's when things are upside down and chaotic.

Then He placed His right hand on me and said: "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last." -Revelation 1:17

God puts His hand on me. God is here, has been here, and will always be here. He's the most important. His is the story to tell. His works and actions are phenomenal. 

He lives in me and makes me what He needs me to be.

Resolutions?

Well, it's the end of February. How does 2020 look so far? Are you still on track? Or do you have resolutions that didn't stick? Goals that are out of focus and completely off your radar?

It's ok. Our God gives us a fresh start every day! Even if it's not the beginning of a new year.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 

-2 Corinthians 4:16

I found an exercise program a couple of years ago called Faithful Workouts. (No, they're not paying me, but here's their site if you want to check them out.) One of their main teachings is the ABCs of a healthy lifestyle.

Ask God to help you.
Believe He can and will help you.
Check your motives.

I think these can easily be applied to all resolutions, goals, and life's detours. No matter what you want to do, and no matter what time of year it is, God is there, able and willing to help you.

I started my journey to better health in May of 2018. It wasn't at the beginning of a year, the timing wasn't perfect, I didn't even have the right reasons for starting! But those ABCs kept leading me back to God - my source of strength; the one who purifies my heart.

I also started....slow. I didn't jump right in. I wasn't a fanatic from the beginning. But I started. I took one step in being healthier. Slowly, after months of standing firm at the one-step, I took another step. And I'm not done. I have not arrived. But I continue to start. You can too.

Be patient with yourself! As Michelle at Faithful Workouts always says, "Be thankful you are healthy enough to do this. Don't worry about the moves you can't do. Be thankful for the moves you can."

Most importantly, though, remember you are not alone. God is right there with you. Ask Him to help you! He loves you and wants to help you. Believe that He can and will help you. It doesn't matter what your goal is. Is it important to you? Then it's important to God. You are His child. He loves to hear about your day and help you with your struggles.

"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up."

-Luke 18:1

Thursday's Thought to Ponder

If you don't help your children when they've lost their Lego, they won't come to you when they've lost their way.